There are so many coping mechanisms for enduring and healing from a rough relationship. Some dive headlong into a new relationship, hoping to distract themselves from their heartbreak by pursuing a new love relationship or lover. Some spend hours crying in bed and eating ice cream. Some seek to reinvent themselves by drastically changing their appearance, while others seek out therapy.
There are healthy ways to endure a rough breakup. Resilience and weathering the difficult times can eventually lead to self-expansion, contemplation, and growth. And just like there are many types of personalities within unique individuals, there are numerous types of break-ups and ways to cope. Here are a few tools for your break-up wellness.
If your former boyfriend or girlfriend tends toward the emotional, impassioned, narcissistic or needy, it may be best to establish a period of no contact. While it’s always preferred to remain friends, as you were attracted to your former love for a reason—shared interest, chemistry and learning from one another, to name a few—it’s not healthy to have a long period of mourning, and being in too much contact will only serve to underscore the difficult times and keep you from healing. Some people tend to want to help their ex through the difficult breakup, and you can’t help someone get over you. That’s not your job. Try a proactive approach: tell your ex that you think it’s healthy to be out of contact for a time period from one to six months, and then do whatever is necessary to reinforce that.
Break Your Routine
Chances are that you established some routines with your ex—eating at a favorite restaurant, hiking, going to the nearby bar or shopping at a specific grocery store. Participating in these activities will probably remind you of your ex, and when going through a break-up, it’s best to establish a new framework for your own routines. Shake things up a bit and take yourself on a date to a restaurant you’ve been meaning to check out, or branch out and take a solo day trip to a nearby city.
If your emotions are getting the best of you, take a moment to really dissect what’s troubling you. Reflect on yourself and analyze what is most disturbing, and why. Whatever most disturbs you about the break-up, consider them and let your emotions be tempered with logic. Think it through, and let it go.
As a complement to the previous practice of self-analysis and reflection, consider journaling. If your thoughts aren’t clear, it may help to write down how you feel. Externalizing the thought process and putting things on paper can make the grieving process simpler.
They say that it’s impossible to love another until you love yourself. What are five things that make you feel good? Take a minute to consider what makes you happiest, write it down, and do all five things for yourself in one day. Perhaps it’s breathing deeply and doing yoga. Perhaps it’s buying new shoes, a trip to get gelato, taking your dog on a hike in the sunshine, or having a beach day with your best friend. Love yourself first.
We want to hear the ways you endured an especially tough breakup. Sound off in the comments.