As women we’re often left beholden to archaic tropes that leave us pigeonholed in our dating decision-making: Men should ask us out; Men should make the first move; You wouldn’t want to come off too assertive and scare the fragile male ego. That being said, it doesn’t leave us with too many options of what to do to “seal the deal.” I’m sure at some point or another you’ve gotten the advice: tilt your head to the right, bat your eyelashes and he’ll know to kiss you. I’m sorry what? I’m calling BS. In a survey of over 2,000 female participants between the ages of 18 and 40 by pharmaceutical company Merck, less than 1 in 10 women make the first move. Ladies, it’s 2016 and we can make moves of our own.
So when should women make the first move? Whenever you feel like it! But in all seriousness, those subtle hints we’ve been throwing all these years–guys have a few of their own. So listen up ladies, here are some situations where we think you need (and when guys want) to put those gendered stereotypes aside and be assertive.
1) He touches you affectionately, but hesitantly.
Scenario: You say something totally hilarious and a whisp of your hair falls into your face. He brushes your leg, but pulls back. He respects your boundaries, but wants to get close. You look at him and don’t announce yourself like you’re a Lady attending a ball. Instead just go for it. Kiss him.
2) He stares deeply into your eyes.
Scenario: You know the searching look I’m talking about. He’s looking for clues. Is she into me? Is she not? Will I get rejected? All those same anxieties you experience before waiting for that first kiss, men are prone to them too. Men are just taught to push past those anxieties and take a shot. The worst that could happen is the head-swerve, block action, but ladies, you got this!
3) The lean in, hoping by magnetic force your lips collide.
Scenario: Things are going really well. He keeps giving you that look. He’s moved a little closer, but he’s kinda stopped. You’re both in range to get that kiss, but it’s just out of reach. What are you waiting for?
4) Let the pheromones lead the way.
Follow your instincts. It seems from an evolutionary standpoint we’re naturally drawn to people by chemical signals: pheromones.
Pheromones are known to be involved in sexual attraction in animals, and research suggests that they may also play a role for people. A type of pheromone called a “releaser” — which includes the compounds androstenone, androstadienone and androstenol — may be involved in sexual attraction,according to a Reactions: Everyday Chemistry video.
At the end of the day it’s empowering to make the first move. Being forward and going after what you want in life is essential to success in any realm; it puts everything out on the table. Succeeding will give you confidence. What if you fail? Well guess what; you experienced the worst that could happen and you lived. Plus, taking an active and controlled role in your sexuality is so beautiful and empowering. Go out there and make moves!
Ladies, we want to hear how you took control. Share some of your first move stories with us in the comments.